I’ve never tried holding on to anything
Why should I?
It is all but grains of sand
Sifting through the river of time.
Have you tried holding on?
Have you felt the chaos in your head?
The chaos that reflects in your bloodstream, flowing through your chest and gut
Tarnishing everything black
Why should you?
It is all but projections
Walking through the blank spaces of our imaginations
Spaces that long. Spaces that want.
Trying to hold, trying to own
Fostered by a dimension that believes in ownership being the biggest form of success
We try to drive contentment into our hearts, like it could be driven
We grasp at wisps of smoke, trying to hold on to the beautiful smell of skin
We think we have control
That’s why we try to hold on.
I scaled a mountain and found contentment
Drawing me inward. Infinitely
That feeling of detached belongingness when I saw the magnitude of space stretching its arms open to accept this little soul
There was no will to attain the vastness. No desire for control
Somewhere within we know we are a part of it, and not just mere visitors trying to make it ours
There was no will to attain the vastness
But just to be One
Breathing the same breath
Reverberating the same notes
All that the spaces in my soul yearn for
I see Your eyes, and it feels like the warm sun brushing my skin on a cold day
When You smile, the tarnish that has blackened me fulfilling my life, seems to melt away
When You hold me, I know I don’t own You
Like I don’t own the clouds, the mountains, or the cold winds
But I will still scale the mountains, out of breath
To find You
As all the spaces in my soul yearn for, You’re it.
You’re all of it.
Can I hold on to you?
I am You
We breathe the same breath
Hum the same note
I am not a visitor
I am the wisp of smoke that smells of Your skin.
Photograph at Sandakphu by Ameya Baporikar